Recently I found myself worrying more than usual. Not about one thing in particular - just anything and everything. In no particular order, I worried: that someone I care about would get Covid (they did). That I wouldn’t be ready for court (I was). That I’d get into an accident (I didn’t). That my kids were eating too much sugar (they were and still are).
After all this worrying, I realized something: whatever I was worried about was either going to happen or it wasn’t. I had very little control over it. Sure, I could prepare for court, be careful when driving, and stop buying vats of Haagen-Dazs. But a great deal – say about 90% - of the things I was worried about were in someone (or no one) else’s control.
I also realized that whatever I was worrying about that day was sucking up my energy. Between imagining the worst (you do it too; experts call it awfulizing) and googling statistics, I was spending a lot of time fretting. But I wasn’t actually doing anything to improve the situation. Does this feel familiar?
Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow.
It empties today of its strength.
-Corrie ten Boom
If you’re in the midst of a separation or divorce - or heck, just living through this pandemic with the rest of us - you might find yourself worrying more right now too. If so, try this little exercise: For each thing you’re worried about, ask yourself this question: What is one thing I can do right now that can lessen my worry? Then do that. I know that sounds trite, but wouldn’t doing one thing be a better use of your time than continuing to worry unproductively? After a few days of using this trick myself, I noticed I was worrying a lot less.
Here’s help to get you started in a few areas you might be worried about:
If you’re worried about being ready to start your divorce, we’ve got 4 statements to ask yourself.
If you’re worried about how to hire a divorce lawyer, here are some tips.
If you’re worried about whether to settle your divorce case, check this out.
If you’re worried your spouse is hiding assets, here are some free places to check.
If communicating with your ex has got you worried, try this.
If you’re worried about feeling alone, here are 4 truths to let you know that you’re not.
If you’re worried about leaving your kids alone with your ex, read this.
If you need more help kicking your worry to the curb, watch this.
And if you can’t figure out even one thing you can do to lessen whatever it is you’re worried about?That’s a sign that it truly is out of your control, and your energy might be better spent on learning to let it go.