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Turn Your "But" Into an "And"

Words have so much power. They can lift our energy or bring it down. Divorce is a time when there might be a lot of unkind or unproductive words getting hurled around by others (your ex, lawyers, a nosy neighbor…). There’s really not much you can do about that. As we always say, you can’t control what others do - you can only control your own actions.

But the words you use to speak to yourself might be affecting you on a day-to-day level far more than you know. So often, the words we tell ourselves - even when we don’t realize it - do more to limit us than words anyone else would ever dare to say.

When you talk to yourself, are you using powerful words, or weak ones? Do your words help you see the potential in yourself or do they limit you?


You can reframe what’s possible in your life just by choosing different words.


Today we’re talking about 2 tiny words that can have a huge impact on your life. One of them can cause you to doubt your own abilities, while the other can help you see just how capable you are. They’re words you probably use every day without even considering their effect. And they seem so deceptively simple. They’re the words “but” and “and.”

To get a little grammar school, when used in a sentence, “but” is usually used to signify the difference between two things. “ “I need to get a job, but I don’t know how to start.” By contrast, when you use the word “and,” what follows next is usually something similar. “I need to get a job, and I’m going to figure out how to do that.”

Which of those sounded better to you? Which opened your mind to the possibility - no matter how small it may feel - that you’re capable of achieving what you want to do?


“But” excludes, denies, or discounts the words that came before it. “And” includes and accepts them.


Next time you hear yourself explaining that you can’t or won’t do something, try turning your “but” into an “and” and see what ideas open up to you. I’d like to take better care of myself, but I can’t find the time” can becomeI’d like to take better care of myself, and I’m going to wake up 30 minutes earlier to exercise.” “I’d like to get past my divorce, but I can’t seem to do it” might become “I’d like to get past my divorce, and I’m going to seek help to do it.”

Two little words - so simple but so powerful. So choose how you use them carefully!


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