How Do I Ask Him Not to See Our Kids Right Now?



Parenting exchanges in the midst of Covid. We know this virus is affecting you in unique ways. How are you doing? This is unchartered territory for every divorced parent.

We know so many moms who are concerned about exchanging their kids right now that we sent an email with suggestions to our community.

After sharing our tips, we received emails from D-Squaders offering to share with you the words they used that worked for them. Meaning, the responses they received back, even if not perfect, were reasonable and helped to lessen their worry.

Feel free to borrow from them as you choose. We hope they help.

*Names were changed for privacy.


David,

Before you pick the boys up today, I want to confirm that I am not comfortable with them going back and forth between our homes right now. Please know this does not come from a place of me wanting to keep them from you. They both miss and want to see you. I am simply worried for their health, particularly since this virus is spreading even when people are asymptomatic.

You agreed you would let me know right away if either you or your fiancée develop a fever, cough, or any other symptoms of the disease. I hope you will also let me know if either of you have come into contact with anyone who has tested positive, and that you will agree to self-isolate from the boys in that case (i.e. send them home).

We have stayed home without any visitors since last Saturday night. I have not allowed play dates, and when I go to the grocery store, they stay at home. I have not been socializing with my friends either. I understand you are on board with keeping that rule of no socializing until at least the end of April, depending on what the government reports.

I appreciate all this. But it still makes me uncomfortable because I have no insight into what social distancing you and she are practicing. The boys tell me you have been at home, but I would appreciate an update from you on the steps you have taken to distance yourselves from others. Also, I’d like to know what you would propose in the event any of us (either of you, me, or the boys) become ill.

Again, I am not trying to keep the kids away from you, but I want to make sure all of us stay healthy in the coming weeks. This is a scary time for all of us. I hope we can make decisions that are best for them, even if it means less time with the boys in the short term.

Thanks,

Beth


S,

I know things were tense when we spoke last night. I’m trying to stay calm but it is hard to be right now. And since you’re a healthcare worker, I’m particularly concerned about the increased risk of exposure to the kids.

You have told me you are taking precautions and that you shower at the hospital before you come home. I appreciate your efforts, but the safest thing seems to be to self-isolate from the children while you are under this constant threat of exposure.

I realize I’m asking you to not see your children right now. I’m not trying to punish you or them. I respect that you have a lot of added stress at work. What I am asking is that we agree to put the health and safety of our children first.

If you will agree that they stay with me right now, I’d be happy to facilitate daily FaceTime calls. I also would agree that you make up this time once this is all over. Maybe not all at once, but we can work out something that lets you get your time back over a few weeks.

This isn’t about denying your time with them - I just am really worried and want us to do the smartest thing to keep them (and us) safe.

Please think about my request and let me know.

Thank you,

-D



Well done, ladies!



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